New Life in the Earth, New Life in Jesus, and New Life in Me

Saturday evening, I started feeling a little pukey. But this felt like
a preggo-pukey, not a sick pukey. There is a definite difference, with
me anyway. I thought that maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, and
it was probably nothing. I got a pregnancy test that night just in case.

So I took the test first thing Sunday morning. It was positive before
it even hit the control window.

Oh my goodness!!!!

I'm pregnant!!!!!

I am SOOOO excited!

But I'm also really scared.

It's been 17 months since I miscarried. I'm scared to death that I'll
lose this baby too. But at the same time, I'm thankful for this gift
of Life inside me.

I don't think it's just a coincidence that I found out on Easter, the
day that we celebrate Spring and new life in the earth, and the
resurrection of Jesus. Because Jesus died on the cross, was buried,
and rose from the dead, He gave me opportunity to be a changed person
here on earth and to have a home in Heaven when I die. I have hope
when before I had none. I have one baby in Heaven already, and if I
keep my trust in Jesus, I know I'll meet my Glory Baby face to face.

So while I have no guarantee beyond today for this little one, I will
celebrate this new life inside me for as long as I'm given the chance,
knowing that eternity eventually awaits us both and that life here is
precious, no matter how long or how short it is.

Welcome, little one!

Angels Underwear

Since Brad is gone to Alabama, I'm a little nervous at night without
him there. Especially since we were told that there have been break
ins on our street. I pay extra attention to noises and check all the
rooms if I've been gone. I'm not too exceptionally worried, just aware
and prayerful. Ok, maybe a little paranoid. :)

Our sleep is all messed up with Brad gone too. The babies are
definitely aware that something is amiss because Daddy isn't home for
bedtime.

A couple nights ago, we went to sleep after 10 but Sara woke up again
around 12:30 or so. I put a movie in for her and we laid in bed
watching it. Sara was laying where she could see into the living room.
I've been leaving the kitchen light on so it's not light enough in the
bedroom to hinder sleep, but light enough to see in there and deter
criminals, hopefully.

So there we are, watching our movie, and suddenly Sara sits straight
up and stares into the living room. "Who's dat?" she says. Her gaze
never left the living room. She hopped down and ran into the living
room, faced the kitchen (not the front door, like she would be if she
heard something and thought Brad was home), and said "Hi!" I got out
of bed and ran in there beside her, and she was intently looking at
something, but there was nothing there!

Now, I am NOT the kind of person that sees ghosts in the closet and
leprechauns in my cereal box. I do however believe in angels as
described in the Bible.

So standing there with my daughter, my first thought was, "It's an
angel, and I'm in my underwear (and t-shirt, but I wasn't worried
about that part!)!!!"

It was a very cool, weird, kinda creepy, awesome experience. But I've
been a bit more modest around the house lately. :)

Dumb Movie

A few years ago, I bought a cheap DVD at Old Time Pottery. It's a double feature, and I got it for Shirley Temple's The Little Princess. I could never get it to work on the computer so I forgot about it.

Sara found it day before yesterday and asked to watch the "house" movie. Well the other half of the double feature is The New Adventures of Heidi, with Burl Ives as Grandfather. I love him but this is the DUMBEST movie!!! It is chock full of dumb long drawn out introspective songs. At least a dozen!!!! It's terrible!!! And of COURSE, Sara just loves it!

So Sara is watching it and Heidi and her friend are crying, and Sara comes to me walking all slow with a pitiful look on her face and her head down. I asked her what was the matter, and she said, "Mama, I'm sad!" I said, "Aww, you wanna come cuddle Mama?" "No mama, I wanna KIE (cry) on you!"

It was so cute, it's the first time she's shown empathy with a movie. I can tell that there's gonna be lots of chick flicks in our future, and Mama and daughter can eat ice cream and kie on each other. But can we please pick something besides The New Adventures of Heidi????

Testing

Trying out blogging from e-mail!

Remember

Thank you so much to my dear friend Wendy, who remembered the significance of today's date and gave me this Willow Tree figurine, "Remember".


Today would have been our Glory Baby's due date. I still miss that little one being in my womb. I thought that in remembrance of our third child (who is very much alive right now!) I'd share the card that I bought and the letter that I wrote to our baby, just a few days after we discovered that Glory Baby had gone to heaven.


It isn't easy being so in love with you and not being able to see you every day. There are times when I'd give anything just to be able to gaze into your eyes or hold you in my arms, even for a few minutes. I always feel incomplete, like part of me is missing, when we're not together. I know that, right now, this is how things have to be, but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. Every day without you just reminds me of the joy you add to my life, joy that I'm missing... a lot. So don't forget that I love you, that I'm thinking of you, and that I'm counting every minute until we're together again.


Dear Baby,

I know that you will never read this. But it will make me feel better to put down on paper some of the things in my heart.

From the very first, when I first suspected I was pregnant again, I was so excited. A new sibling for Sara & Emily to grow up with. A new little person to love, and watch grow up.

And then when I started bleeding, I was scared. I had hope that everything would be ok. We asked several friends to pray. Your sisters were playing in the tub with Daddy, and I laid on the bed, my hands on my tummy, praying for you. I told Jesus that I knew that He allows things to happen to change us, but that I would rather have my baby. i knew the lord understood what I was feeling.

The next afternoon, there was no question. You had gone to Heaven.

It didn't sink in right away. Now, I have good moments, and bad moments.

I miss you. You aren't the baby-in-the-tummy anymore. You're the baby-in-heaven.

I cry for everything I'm missing out on. Were you a boy or a girl? Do you look like your Daddy, or like me? I will miss not knowing your smile, or your laugh, or your cute little unique baby quirks. I will miss holding you while you sleep. I'll even miss changing your diaper.

But I know that God has a reason for everything that He does. I am so thankful to know that you're in heaven! You will never know heartache or pain or sin.

I will always carry your memory in my heart. I will cherish the few short weeks that you were close in my tummy. And while others will look and see that I have two children, I will always know that I have three.

As Sara & Emily grow, I will tell them about their precious little sibling in heaven. We all have more reason to get to heaven now, because you are there.

I love you, little one. I have always loved you, and I always will.

I'll see in heaven, and until then I'll be missing you and loving you.

Have fun in heaven, baby!

Love,

Your Mama

To Members of TCOG

I wanted everyone to hear it from me, before the news travels too far, and this seems like the best way to do it.

I've made a decision that was extremely difficult, but something that had to be done. A decision that was not made lightly or in haste. A decision that I wish did not have to be made. But a decision that gives me peace in knowing I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.



I've turned in my membership to TCOG, and asked for my name to be removed from the books.





Yes, I know.

I am continuing to follow my Jesus with my whole heart. I'm walking the path He's laid out in front of me, and same as ever, if not more than ever, I'm walking in Truth, and in the Light to the best of my knowledge and ability. Yes, I know what could be said to me after a statement like that.




I want all of you to know that I love you, and that I am SO thankful for the time we've had together and the things I've learned and experienced. This is not how I ever in a million years expected things to turn out. God sees the big picture and more than ever I believe that.

If anyone reading this has any questions, please come to with them. I'd much rather you come to me for a simple answer than to shake your head and whisper about me. Though we no longer agree on some things, I count you as my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you'd rather e-mail me privately, you can do so @ addicted2jesusgirl@yahoo.com .

Waiting...

Ok so I am really in the mood to post about Christmas but I wanted to wait until I had photos to post with it. I have so much that I need to archive on here!

I'm doing the devotion tonight at church... I was looking at Matthew's Christmas present to the girls and inspiration hit. I'm not gonna say what it is because it will give away the surprise! I just hope that I can get it across to everyone else the way it is in my head. It makes perfect sense to me! I'm nervous but excited. Brad is gonna miss it and that stinks. I'll be so glad when he doesn't have class on Wednesday nights anymore.

So, kiddo stuff to report....

I cut Sara's hair! It was short on the sides already and long in back and it was looking like a boy's mullet, so I cut it in the back to be even... I didn't mean to but it ended up being stacked. I'm glad because it looks super cute that way! So yes it is short now, but it looks very feminine and sassy. :-) I'm hoping it will grow out faster and thicker now that it's been cut! I seriously need pictures of it.

Sara is really into animals, identifying them and telling us what they say. She has decided that all ducks say "Aflac!!!!" and not "quack!" It's hilarious.

Emily is trying to talk! She will say "Hi!" and wave... with her hand turned in instead of out, so it looks like she is saying "come here". She has been a cuddlebug and is absolutely in love with her Daddy.

I have been having so much fun cooking lately! My wonderful awesome sister-in-law Heather got me a Taste of Home cookbook for Christmas, she said because I am always blogging for people to pray for my meals. Hahaha! It is "Busy Family Meals" and I have done nothing but cook from it since Christmas. Just neato everyday easy recipes that I never would have thought of. It has been a hit and we have all thoroughly enjoyed getting out of our same old same old meal rut. Last night I made my own sloppy joe recipe and that is the first I have cooked something not out of that cookbook since Christmas. The night before that, it was chicken salsa pizza!

I'm gonna start walking with Wendy. I am SOOOO excited!!! I have REALLY wanted to get working out somehow. Curves is ideal but way too expensive for me. The Y is economical but I don't have anyone to go with me, and that makes me uncomfortable. I was reading an Elizabeth Elliot book last week and there was a lady who met a guy at a gym and left her husband... And it just confirmed to me that I shouldn't do the Y if I'm not 100% comfortable with it. Not that I would leave my husband and not that anyone at the Y would want me, just saying, you can't be too cautious. So we're going to walk at this church with an indoor walking track with mostly old people, while Caetie watches the girls for me. I'm so excited!!! I can't wait.

Next week is fun stuff too but I will wait to blog about that until then.