Remember

Thank you so much to my dear friend Wendy, who remembered the significance of today's date and gave me this Willow Tree figurine, "Remember".


Today would have been our Glory Baby's due date. I still miss that little one being in my womb. I thought that in remembrance of our third child (who is very much alive right now!) I'd share the card that I bought and the letter that I wrote to our baby, just a few days after we discovered that Glory Baby had gone to heaven.


It isn't easy being so in love with you and not being able to see you every day. There are times when I'd give anything just to be able to gaze into your eyes or hold you in my arms, even for a few minutes. I always feel incomplete, like part of me is missing, when we're not together. I know that, right now, this is how things have to be, but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. Every day without you just reminds me of the joy you add to my life, joy that I'm missing... a lot. So don't forget that I love you, that I'm thinking of you, and that I'm counting every minute until we're together again.


Dear Baby,

I know that you will never read this. But it will make me feel better to put down on paper some of the things in my heart.

From the very first, when I first suspected I was pregnant again, I was so excited. A new sibling for Sara & Emily to grow up with. A new little person to love, and watch grow up.

And then when I started bleeding, I was scared. I had hope that everything would be ok. We asked several friends to pray. Your sisters were playing in the tub with Daddy, and I laid on the bed, my hands on my tummy, praying for you. I told Jesus that I knew that He allows things to happen to change us, but that I would rather have my baby. i knew the lord understood what I was feeling.

The next afternoon, there was no question. You had gone to Heaven.

It didn't sink in right away. Now, I have good moments, and bad moments.

I miss you. You aren't the baby-in-the-tummy anymore. You're the baby-in-heaven.

I cry for everything I'm missing out on. Were you a boy or a girl? Do you look like your Daddy, or like me? I will miss not knowing your smile, or your laugh, or your cute little unique baby quirks. I will miss holding you while you sleep. I'll even miss changing your diaper.

But I know that God has a reason for everything that He does. I am so thankful to know that you're in heaven! You will never know heartache or pain or sin.

I will always carry your memory in my heart. I will cherish the few short weeks that you were close in my tummy. And while others will look and see that I have two children, I will always know that I have three.

As Sara & Emily grow, I will tell them about their precious little sibling in heaven. We all have more reason to get to heaven now, because you are there.

I love you, little one. I have always loved you, and I always will.

I'll see in heaven, and until then I'll be missing you and loving you.

Have fun in heaven, baby!

Love,

Your Mama

To Members of TCOG

I wanted everyone to hear it from me, before the news travels too far, and this seems like the best way to do it.

I've made a decision that was extremely difficult, but something that had to be done. A decision that was not made lightly or in haste. A decision that I wish did not have to be made. But a decision that gives me peace in knowing I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.



I've turned in my membership to TCOG, and asked for my name to be removed from the books.





Yes, I know.

I am continuing to follow my Jesus with my whole heart. I'm walking the path He's laid out in front of me, and same as ever, if not more than ever, I'm walking in Truth, and in the Light to the best of my knowledge and ability. Yes, I know what could be said to me after a statement like that.




I want all of you to know that I love you, and that I am SO thankful for the time we've had together and the things I've learned and experienced. This is not how I ever in a million years expected things to turn out. God sees the big picture and more than ever I believe that.

If anyone reading this has any questions, please come to with them. I'd much rather you come to me for a simple answer than to shake your head and whisper about me. Though we no longer agree on some things, I count you as my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you'd rather e-mail me privately, you can do so @ addicted2jesusgirl@yahoo.com .