I feel bad right now because I have a baby and Becky doesn't. I feel guilty for being happy when she isn't. Sigh. There's a lot of things I don't understand.
I have thought about making a separate blog for baby stuff. Because I feel like I'm just rubbing it in by having all this here, even when I know that she knows that I'm not. It's just hard because this is pretty much my whole life right now.
I know that she knows that I love her and I'm sorry and I would fix everything for her if I could. I know that God must have a reason but that doesn't make things hurt any less.
I know that the only thing that has got me through some pretty heart wrenching things in the past was my relationship with Jesus. But I haven't ever been through anything like she's been through. I can't relate on the same level.
So I don't know what to do. Keep praying is the only thing right now.
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You shouldn't have to feel bad because of what happens to me, but you do. I shouldn't have to feel bad either, but I do. And of course it's your whole life - it's a child. That's what your blog is for, to talk about your life. and if you made a separate blog, I'd still read it anyway. Please remember that I love you and I am happy for you - just sad for me. There has not been one second when I wished anything else for you. I am so happy for you, you have been trying for so much longer, and you know I am gonna spoil that baby with love, even if I don't have the money to spoil it with stuff! love is better anyway. ;-) Maybe Brad could talk to Chris =/
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