Surviving

I am ok. I have good moments and bad moments.

One thing that I am thankful for, that I didn't realize for awhile, is that I'm not angry with God. I'm not asking, "How could you do this to me?!?" I know that God has a purpose and plan for every life, no matter how short. So now I am just asking the Lord to show me what He wants me to learn through this. Who He wants me to become through this.

I am so happy for our baby. He or she gets to be in heaven and escape the heartache and trouble of this world! That is more than I can say for the two that I can hold in my arms. One safe in heaven, now I just have to get these two there!

I am sad for us. A little one that I never got to hold, never got to look into their eyes, will never know who they looked like. I cry for all of the little things that I'm missing out on.

I went to the store yesterday and automatically went down the baby aisle. It took 5 seconds for me to remember... my womb is empty.

It is going to be a hard the next few months. When June 3rd rolls around (yes, June 3rd, I had calculated the due date wrong), it will be harder for awhile. Especially since I have two friends due either the day of or within days of ours. I don't begrudge them their blessings. It will just be hard knowing that it could have been us too.

Thank you to all of you that are praying for us and have left messages. My blog is bound to be sad for a while. I'll try to share what Jesus is showing me as time goes on.

I'm thankful for my blessings. No matter how long or short a time I get to enjoy them.