Go West, Young Lady

Hi peoples. I'm in a weird mood right now (am I ever NOT in a weird mood?). So no telling what I'm gonna blog about.

I feel pretty blah. I feel like something is about to happen, but I don't know what. Not sure if it's good or bad. I guess I'm just feeling a lot of different emotions right now.

I'm worried about Joshua. I'm scared that something is going to happen to him while he's over there and I won't see him again. But at the same time, I'm trying to trust Jesus for him and be my usual optimistic self. So it's a big ball of mixed-up feelings.

I wish I was home in Arkansas. Everyone is growing up and I'm missing it. Matthew is 14 and fast becoming a young man. He loves Jesus and he's more and more on fire for the Lord every time I talk to him. He's always excited about something his youth group is doing to help them get closer to Jesus. He's at a time in his life where he is finding out who he's gonna be for the rest of his life.

Bekah is 12 now and becoming a young lady faster than any of us is ready for. I always wanted a sister, but then when she was little I didn't appreciate her (took ALL of my siblings for granted, really). And now that she's growing up, and I need /want to be sharing all kinds of girl stuff with her, I'm really hindered by the distance. Some things you just can't launch into over a two day visit. You need girl time to hang out. And then there's the cool stuff like sewing, crocheting, knitting... I should be the one teaching her that stuff, not some one else.

Isaiah is 8 and a total cutie. He needs his big sister!

I have a sister-in-law that I LOVE already, but I don't really know. I'd love to just tuck her under my wing with this hard time she's gonna have for the next 18 months. I'd like to be friends.

Jon & I used to be so close, even though sometimes I didn't understand a word of his philosophical-ness! But I loved it. Really I did. Very Jon. I miss that. He and Jaci are so cool together. I'm praying for them.

I wish I knew Micah. How do you go through your entire life pretty much taking someone for granted? Age was a factor I guess. He's always been quiet. But oh I how I regret not really probing into him, getting to know his thoughts and feelings. Of all my siblings, he's the one I know the least. I know his mannerisms and things like that, you can't live with someone for so long and not know that. At least, how they USED to be. But I wish I had made more one-on-one time for the two of us. I love him so much, and I hate feeling so far away from him...geographically and otherwise.

And my Daddy. Didn't realize just how much I miss him until driving back home together. I miss talking about stuff with him... he's even easier to talk to now than he was then. He's less... argumentative, I guess is the word. I have my Daddy's sense of humor so I miss being corny with him.

And my Mama... ok now I'm crying. Mama knows I love her and what she means to me. She's my Mama and has always been the best friend a girl could have.

How on earth did all of those pioneer women leave their families behind and head out west, knowing they'd never see them again? Were women made of stronger stock back then? Or did they feel like this too?